I’ve realised I am a perfectionist. I’ve always known that, but since a few years ago I am aware that perfectionism is not by far a quality, it’s actually something you should mend. Remember the usual questions you’re asked in an interview, you arrive at those two about qualities and flaws…you say that on your defects list is you are a perfectionist, but in your head you actually think you turn it in your favor…ha, ha…were I naive or what? I’ve grown some years now and I better understand the abilities that serve you in performing better, maintaining a peaceful self. Perfectionism is not helping at all, because you’ll never be enough and you’ll turn all the things towards yourself, towards myself with statements as
“I’ll never make it right”,
” I won’t deliver if it’s not perfect”,
” I need more and more of this and that”,
“It’s not enough”,
“I’ll be happy when I finish this…actually, I’ll be happy when I’ll be appreciated at its real worth”
and so on and so forth, you’re having a terrible noise in your head, a thunderstorm. It’s not really our fault, we do inherit some attitudes and prejudice and habits turned into instincts, but, considering we do evolve and mature, there comes a moment in time when you may realise you have to accept yourself and your reality as they are.
Every age has its challenges and its’ lure and delights. There’s a famous poem, by a Romanian poet, Lucian Blaga saying
The child laughs:
“My wisdom and my love is play”
The young man sings:
“My play and my wisdom is love”
The elder man is silent:
” My love and my play is wisdom”
Well, I feel very young at heart, but I’m grateful I’ m able to realise that wisdom doesn’t mean perfection, doesn’t mean a fixed point in time or in age, it comes naturally with serenity, more calm and with a clear vision of self. Then you understand you know nothing and everything changes in seconds. It happened to me also, when I had a revelation that time is an asset and I’d better be conscious about the people and activities I spend it on. This was a good start, being aware of time and people and choices.
Getting back to good enough, when I want to move forward in my life and to step up in personal development, career, working with passion, to be settled with myself, I go through an acceptance process, where I balance the pros and cons and I conclude ( not as easy as I type it here) that I AM ENOUGH and I can do it. If I believe it, it will happen.
Many times, society isn’t helping, actually it lays some bumps on the road or even builds thick walls along the way, but where there’s a will, there is a way.
I say society, but man, the worst blocker and saboteurs actually live in ourselves. With some ballet practice/ battles/ plays, everyone as it perceives it for themselves, through LIFE, we’ll get back on our right track and get aligned with our inner self. Just as Dostoievski said ” If you want to conquer the world, conquer yourself first”. Sounds precious and hard? It was hard for me to get this in my 20’s as it’s way easier to see it clearer in my 30’s and God knows how will I see it later on.
So, let’s get it right, we are enough. Let life flow and let’s play the game, taking risks, assuming consequences, falling down and getting up as many times as it happens. As long as we’re building ourselves to be better than our previous version, we’re on the road. I’ll have to repeat these to myself from time to time, also:)
I’m made out of a happy material, I tell you that. This doesn’t mean exclusion of pain and this needs to get shared, so I’ll simply do that.